Tuesday, 17 January 2017

6 people you wouldn't believe are not dead.

1. Lily Aliveman

Many people believe that Lily died long many of years ago when she was hurt to dying, but here she is, alive and well, writing a novel based on the life of her friend Speck, who died.

2. Hooper

He made knives for a living. Big sharp long ones. And even after 'that' incident, Hooper is doing okay sort of fine. In fact, you can see him here looking well fed, on trial for his own murder.

3. Nikola Tesla

Remembered as the father of rivalry, Nikola Tesla supposedly died in the past. However, and that's a big however, this picture is in colour, which he didn't invent, so he must have been alive when it was taken.

4. Clippy

We always remember Clippy because he had a fling with Rihanna even though she likes guys that are with organs and are not metal and eyes and eyebrows. Clippy got married just last week though! His vows were beautiful even though his fiancee (now wife!) helped him write it.

5. A ghost

We are all ghosts trapped in skin. So technically, technically, ghosts are all really little girls.

6. You

In this modern age, it is all too easy to think that you are dead, but if you take anything away from this article, it is that if you are reading clickbait, you'd might as well be died.

Monday, 13 June 2016

Name Our States!

It's November 2016 and Donald Trump has just become president of the United States of America. Hooray!

The IT Department in the White House have just set President Trump up with a brand new intranet username and password. These are exciting times. 

But oh no! Trump's been playing about in the wrong drive and accidentally deleted all the files about where the states are.

Not to worry, though. Mr. Trump was elected for good reason. He knows how to get out of a sticky situation like this one. He has delicately redrawn the internal borders of the USA as best he can from memory.

There's only 19 here, but I'm sure you'll admit. he's done a pretty good job with the resources in front of him! (MS Paint)

Also erased were the names of the states. Oops, sorry! El Presidente Trump would be able to recall, but he's pooped out, so here's where you come in, American citizen.

Being the unquestionably democratic leader he is (he wasn't voted in for no reason, after all!), he has put the job to the public. The senate have put their minds together and come up with some possible names for the places you live. Are any of these right? Let us know!

  • Copiborneo
  • C-Section
  • LosLassos
  • The East
  • Duntch
  • The Biggest and Best
  • Me
  • Winter
  • Thierry Henry
  • Wow
  • Yours
  • Up
  • Alakablammo
  • Shitsville
  • No Roofs
  • Soap-on-a-Rope
  • Exhibition Centre
  • Welcome
  • Eurasia
  • Simon Says Illinois
  • Burnt Toast
  • Dare to dream
  • Wildcard
  • "For Crying Out Loud!"
  • Over the sea
  • Chevrolet
  • Canadon't
  • Nestle
  • A pear in a partridge tree
  • Wonderful
  • Parking
  • Bitcoin?
  • Smakkalap
  • Tax Heaven - Heaven for Taxes
  • Water waste of coastline!
  • Not on the Coast
  • Eleven
  • Right round, baby, right round
  • Clippy the Paperclip
  • Sweswin
  • Capital City
  • Big Prick
  • Gunge
  • Don'tchester
  • People
  • Vince McMahon
  • Hegelian Dialectics
  • The Fantastic Fourteen Thousand Six Hundred and Nine
  • The place you go to
  • Do-ver
  • Sorti
  • Gateway
  • New Yorkshire
  • The Missus
  • VilleTown
  • Croop
  • Weeing
  • Basically
  • Both
  • Brazil
  • States
  • Floridan't
  • Dadsicles
  • Police HQ
  • Holes
  • The Bits
  • Champagne
  • Mtn.
  • Strobe
  • Lesotho
  • Cup
  • The Sims
  • Olympics

Voting will take place at your local church or synagogue on 25th December. Thank you for taking the time to help us remember those pesky place names!

Mr. Trump would like to make it known that this is considered greater service to your country than serving in any military other than our own.

Friday, 22 April 2016

7 Unimpressed People you HAVE to try to impress!

1. Big deal. I've been able to whistle underwater since I were a wee lass. Next.

2. Yeah, you're pretty strong I guess, but I've never even heard of your music before. Try again, buddy.

3. This is just shit, mate.

4. Rome wasn't built in a day, so why should I care that you built that treehouse in two?

5. Your blood pressure's actually pretty normal, dude. What, your leg blew off, did it? I didn't think so.

6. No, no, no, no, no! Wotsits were absolutely not your idea. I don't believe you!

7. Nice one! You finally did it!