Last night I went to the Tapas restaurant Bravas on Cotham Hill, Bristol. The modest exterior was the perfect gateway to the cosy, but bustling atmosphere within. Jumping on the opportunity of a cancelled reservation, it was clearly a popular joint, and it didn’t take long to see why. But enough of the décor, let’s get to the important bit. Service was quick and it didn’t take long for the first few dishes to arrive. The salted prawns were grilled to perfection, and my company agreed. Next I tried the hake. I wasn’t sure what the intention was of bringing all the seafood at once, but I’m glad they did. It was simply orgasmic. The lamb balls came next. Expertly marinated and with a very moist texture, they were just as delicious. The creamy potato tortilla put the ‘Bravas’ in Bravas, and incited in me a kind of sexual stimulation. The suggestion of going to Bravas in the first place was predicated largely upon their trademark aubergine fries. Well-seasoned, they lived up to their expectation and more, and conjured images of firm ladies’ breasts. The whole palette together had me visibly turned on. I was coming out in hot flushes, and you could have guessed I was in a brothel sandwiched between two vagina-clad women. One critique I would have is that it wasn’t a particularly filling array. I had to stick more into myself in the form of dessert. Wine-cooked figs with a dark chocolate dipping sauce, wonderfully-textured truffles, oh so not too sweet meringues with almonds, and a fantastic cardamom ice cream. I couldn’t do anything but scream as a result of the intense pleasure I felt. By the end of the evening my pants were what can only be described as sodden. I was essentially filled up to my waist with my own semen. It was one of the most satisfying evenings of dining I have ever had. Bravas is the finest woman of a restaurant and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to anybody, regardless of sexual inclination, and the whole outing was incredibly affordable.
My rating: 10 units out of 10