New drug craze stains British cities
the importation of Middle Eastern opium aided by the Gulf Wars of years past,
an altogether more deadly substance has been afflicting Britain’s poorest.
self-sacrificial tactics of foreign extremist groups comes a frightening new
lifestyle, as reports of TNT-huffing flood into the newsroom.
explosive material, popularised by the Looney Tunes cartoon characters Wile E.
Coyote and The Roadrunner, supposedly has some powerful hallucinogenic
properties. The highs are intense, but the side effects are devastating, including
brain damage, birth defects, and of course spontaneous explosion.
to others around TNT users is huge. During the week alone, there were three ‘bombs’,
street slang used to indicate when somebody has ingested too large a dose of
TNT and explodes when exposed to a heat source. The new trend is doubly
dangerous to innocent lives, and the police are on high alert after it was
later discovered that one of the ‘bombs’, which occurred in the US embassy on
Thursday afternoon, was in fact an intentional bomb attack by the terrorist
analyses of the potential spread of TNT in London alone are worrying. It is
predicted that there is enough in circulation to completely fill the Houses of
Parliament twice, and blow Big Ben up Ben Nevis and back again.
press meeting about the issue this morning Chief Constable Harry Dirt of the Met Police said, “We point the finger firmly at the Muslim community. Not just
Muslims, of course, but also Muslim sympathisers. Whoever is coming in and out
of the Middle East is suspected of carrying this substance, and the penalty is
great. For Muslims.”
by the public to these comments have been reactionary. Sandra Klondike, leader
of the leftist group ‘Legalise TNT… Now! Please’ spoke out immediately. “Religion
has nothing to do with it. TNT is a natural material. It’s of the Earth, just
like maize or uranium or polyester. It should be our human right to use it as
But as we
now hear already this Saturday evening that more than 30 clubs across the
country have been affected by ‘bombs’ as people celebrate their weekend a
little too much, is it time to really crack down harshly on the sources of the
influx of this deadly product? The thousands of dead people would probably
agree with me. That’s if they weren’t dead.