Sunday, 6 December 2015

The Newsly Day 06.12.15

Forgotten resident frustrated

Arthur Madden has been living at Makeout Point for two years now. However, living in such isolation, many of the townspeople are yet to have even met him.

Now though, he is making his presence known, holding an open forum for discussion to get to the bottom of why his local area has been increasingly plagued by teens looking to have their first sexual experiences in their parked cars.

Named after reclusive 3D make-up inventor John Makeout, who lived at the same site between the years of 1982 and 1982, the area offers beautiful night-time views over the town from the clifftop.

“I know exactly what they’re talking about. It’s one of the reasons I moved here in the first place, but I’d be more happy to see houses built here and a community started than it be a debauched place of underage sex”, said Mr. Madden.

Local teenagers are well aware of Mr. Madden’s house, but being presumed uninhabited, it is the subject of local horror folklore, inspiring the recent teen slasher movie ‘Ow, where’s my blood?’

“I invited some friends round for a dinner party last week, but as soon as they saw the address they must have presumed it was an invite to some kind of orgy and bailed, which is preposterous. My orgy is next week”.

As well as affecting his social life, the influx of horny high school students has had other implications. “My sleeping pattern is all screwed up. Last night I woke up to the sound of about 600 car engines”.

Mr. Madden has considered moving away, especially as his workload at the Planned Parenthood clinic has increased a lot recently, causing further stress.

"I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing Marvin Gaye at 2 in the morning. Let's get it gone, I say".

No comments:

Post a Comment