7 Unimpressed People you HAVE to try to impress!

1. Big deal. I've been able to whistle underwater since I were a wee lass. Next.

2. Yeah, you're pretty strong I guess, but I've never even heard of your music before. Try again, buddy.

3. This is just shit, mate.

4. Rome wasn't built in a day, so why should I care that you built that treehouse in two?

5. Your blood pressure's actually pretty normal, dude. What, your leg blew off, did it? I didn't think so.

6. No, no, no, no, no! Wotsits were absolutely not your idea. I don't believe you!

7. Nice one! You finally did it!

The Newsly Day - 14.04.2016

Unsolved equations 'too easy' for school janitors

As the academisation of the school system proceeds at the speed of ten, some resistance has come from a surprising source.

Matt Goodwill, of the UK Janitatorial Society, spoke out this morning about the dumbing down of curricula, the packing in of creative arts investment, and the crapping up of school lunches.

"All it's doing is making kids thick as ass. They're nowhere near the level at which it's appropriate for teachers to leave Millennium maths problems out on the notice boards"

But education secretary Nicky Morgan retaliated fervently: "We will be assigning badges to wear"

As nobody has any idea what this statement alludes to, or even means in its own right, the country is left perplexed as the government quashes yet another movement of resistance to the privatisation of public services.

My Week in Comedy

This week I attended a comedy event every single night and I reviewed them all in hindsight

Monday 07/03 - A Bunch of Japes, Smoke and Mirrors:

Small


Tuesday 08/03 - Dial 'M' for Mustard, Bristol Improv Theatre:

Nice, good


Wednesday 09/03 - PantoSoc's 'Goldilocks', Pegg Theatre:

friends fun cast


Thursday 10/03 - Bristol Underground Comedy, Loco Klub:

Comedy, mixe,


Friday 11/03 - Falstaff Revue, Lansdown Pub:

Performed, cack


Saturday 12/03 - Chubby White's 1001 Nights, PRSC:

Laughing and 


Sunday 13/03 - Hill-arity, Brewhouse:

Sunday friendly